Clear Answers to Prayer

This is a strangely tough post to write.  God really showed up here today, providing clear answers to a prayer that Preston and I offered up last night, and it seems extraordinarily important to me that I tell this story correctly.

To God be the glory, after all.

Preston decided recently that we should make an effort to pray together (a novel thought after 10 years of marriage, yes?) and it has been nothing short of incredible to watch the effect it has had on us, though that effect is not something I believe I can articulate.  Every morning lately, Preston has taken my hand and prayed for us, for our day, for our family.  It takes maybe 20 seconds.  Nothing profound occurs, unless you consider the small fact that we are finally taking an extra miniscule step together towards God.

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."  - Matthew 18:20 NIV

Last night, we had our monthly discussion in which I regularly get all freaked out about having the money to pay the bills, and Preston gets frustrated with me for not having enough faith to trust that God will provide.    We have this exchange every month, and could probably just pull out the script if we needed to.  The words rarely change.  It isn't a money fight per se, but it is a rare day indeed in which we both play our assigned roles in this performance without one of us getting rather cranky.

The issue is not one of faith though.  I have no doubt that God will take care of us, but I have always held a strict belief that I must hold up my end of the bargain if I should expect God to pour out his blessings.  It just seems to me that God would reward us if we are being obedient to Him and if we are following the path He wants us to be on, and if I am blatantly ignoring His guidance and going my own way, then I have no issue with the thought that He might pull out the rug from under me to get my attention.

My theology, as usual, may be a bit flawed on this point, but I think my heart is in the right place on this.  I just don't buy into all the promises of material prosperity that some believe are part and parcel of The God Thing.

So it is not that I lack in faith, but rather I doubt my ability to discern God's will for our lives.  As a general rule, if I (ahem) remember to ask God for guidance in a decision, I rarely feel that I get a clear answer.  I do not know whether this comes from my not paying enough attention, or if God just chooses to be subtle in His answers.   For quite some time now, I have questioned if I am doing what God would have me to do.  Money has been way more than tight for a good two years, and I have carried around a burden that this is completely my fault.  With the addition of a second small child to our little family, and then the added time constraints that crept in when we began homeschooling, my income has dropped considerably and I have watched our debts become a little scarier.

And I have prayed, oh I have prayed long and much to seek direction in this.  Am I holding on too tight to my desire to homeschool?  Should I be out pounding the pavement to drum up more clients, or should I be patient and know that God will (as He has always done) provide the workload that He expects me to shoulder?  Does God want me to sit tight and trust Him as we wait out a tough economy, or is He up there wondering why in samhill I don't go out and get a weekend job when Preston is home to see to the children?  Am I managing our money correctly?  Am I being obedient?

Last night, during our discussion, as I tried to lay out to Preston my need to hear from God on this, Preston (bless him) reached for my hand and prayed.

This morning, while the kids watched their morning cartoon, I read Acts Chapter 10, and was captivated by how God, in a vision, showed something to Peter three times (Acts 10:10-16).  The footnote regarding the phrase 'three times' read, "to make a due impression on Peter."

Sounds nice, yes?  Getting a clear vision from God not once, but three times?  And have you noticed how many times in the Bible things happen in threes when God is trying to make a point?

And then it happened to us.  Within 18 hours of praying for guidance as to whether we were being obedient to God's will, He gave us three confirmations back to back.  Not three possible confirmations, but three incredible, awe-inspiring, crystal-clear, highly unusual, far-from-coincidental Words from God.

God spoke.  And He used an exclamation point.

It does not escape my notice that as I have finally reached a point where I am hungry to get closer to God, when my husband and I are seeking Him together, when I am eager for God to use me however He sees fit, I am simultaneously feeling God moving amongst us.

I am filled with awe, overwhelmed with gratitude, and I am laying all of today's blessings at God's feet, right where they belong.