My disappointment over how little I gleaned from my recent time in the book of Acts has been assuaged in the most obvious of ways: by looking to Jesus, of course.
After staring at the Bible for a day or so after completing a study of Acts, and feeling more than a little ignorant, I found The Beautiful Center again, and tip-toed back a few books to start back at the beginning of The Gospels. Honestly, since I am pretty sure I failed to, you know, pray about what I should study next, I might have let discouragement win out again were it not for the children's Bible study that I do every morning with my 6-year-old. He and I have spent the past 10 months reading from a children's Bible storybook every morning (ahem, most mornings) at breakfast, and we just recently began the New Testament. It was there, while eating cereal with my children, and glancing over to the side of the page where there was an illustration of John the Baptist baptizing Jesus that I again felt that glorious calm.
And so it was that I had another forehead-slapping moment. I had been reading Acts, after all, which begins at the end of Jesus' earthly ministry. If it is Jesus whose feet I want to sit at, then Matthew might be a better place for me to be at this moment.
It is working, as I should know to expect, and I am slowly reading Matthew for the umpteenth time, but truly studying it for the very first time. It is there that I find Jesus right now, and it is there that I feel a closeness to God, as I draw nearer to Him, and he draws nearer to me.
Maybe someday I will learn to adjust the focus on my own, but until then I will be content with knowing that a children's Bible has the power to turn my heart. And I pray that it has that same affect on my children as we take baby steps together.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Not with a Bang...
I finished studying the book of Acts recently, but realized that with all the fanfare with which I had begun this re-read, the whole project ended with a whimper. From me. I expected to really Get It this time, you know? I felt certain I would gain an understanding of the Holy Spirit, an appreciation for the book as a whole, maybe some scripture memorization, or at least a wee bit of newly acquired and applicable knowledge.
For the most part, I got nothing.
Life interceded, as it it wont to do, and Preston and I found our marriage under attack, as Satan himself is wont to do.
Want to test your own faith, your spouse's faith, and the strength of your relationship? Embark together on a journey in which you pray together daily and faithfully study the Bible during your individual quiet times. Then wait patiently.
We even sort of saw it coming, and neither of us were that surprised that there were visible snags, but it was disgusting nonetheless. Some of it was relatively comical, and some was heartbreaking. We continued to pray together, but I lost sight of the goal more than once (more than I care to admit, actually).
Then I began my morning study of Acts one day last week, and realized with surprise, and no small amount of dismay at how little I had really learned, that I was finishing the last chapter.
And there, almost at the very end of that final chapter were these words, "...'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.' For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them." - Acts 28:26-27 (NIV).
How something can be so humbling, so full of hope, and yet so tragic is almost more than I can bear, because I have let this world affect my heart, and it will take a bigger commitment to faith than I yet have if I am ever to arrive at the place where that verse would lead me.
For the most part, I got nothing.
Life interceded, as it it wont to do, and Preston and I found our marriage under attack, as Satan himself is wont to do.
Want to test your own faith, your spouse's faith, and the strength of your relationship? Embark together on a journey in which you pray together daily and faithfully study the Bible during your individual quiet times. Then wait patiently.
We even sort of saw it coming, and neither of us were that surprised that there were visible snags, but it was disgusting nonetheless. Some of it was relatively comical, and some was heartbreaking. We continued to pray together, but I lost sight of the goal more than once (more than I care to admit, actually).
Then I began my morning study of Acts one day last week, and realized with surprise, and no small amount of dismay at how little I had really learned, that I was finishing the last chapter.
And there, almost at the very end of that final chapter were these words, "...'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.' For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them." - Acts 28:26-27 (NIV).
How something can be so humbling, so full of hope, and yet so tragic is almost more than I can bear, because I have let this world affect my heart, and it will take a bigger commitment to faith than I yet have if I am ever to arrive at the place where that verse would lead me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
